I’m Trying to Lose Weight, But I’m Not Getting the Support I Need

Dear Timi,
I have gone on a fitness and weight loss program and have already had some success. The problem is that my husband, who also could lose a few pounds, has no interest in joining me and does not want to change the ways he likes to eat. At this point, I’m cooking different meals for him and myself. Should I try harder to convince him that better eating habits would be beneficial for him as well?

Dear Reader,
First of all, congratulations to your success! You are right to pursue your health goals with or without the cooperation of your husband. Your experience is actually not uncommon. I have counseled a number of patients who have felt, at least initially, unsupported and even opposed by loved ones in their efforts to improve their health.

There can be several reasons for these negative responses. Some spouses simply don’t want to be inconvenienced by any lifestyle changes that may be introduced in their household. They may tolerate your actions, but only as long as they don’t affect them.

On more than one occasion, I have witnessed tensions arising between spouses as soon as the effects of weight became visible. Others may notice your physical changes and pay you compliments. You may be getting a kind of attention that can make any husband uncomfortable, if not outright jealous. Sabotaging your progress is a possible reaction. In cases such as these, couples should deal with their issues sooner rather than later by communicating openly and clearly with one another.

If your husband is not ready to join you in a weight loss regimen, you should probably not push the agenda right now. Most people don’t like the thought of dieting unless they have to. The fact that you feel forced to do double duty in the kitchen is more worrisome. If your adherence to a health-conscious diet turns out to be too much of a burden for you, you will not stick to it either.

So, here’s what I suggest that you do: Instead of serving a kind of food your husband really doesn’t like, you can work on improving the nutritional value of meals you both enjoy, for example by making better ingredient choices and using smarter cooking methods. I tell all my clients that the best way to diet is to improve the quality and taste of your food.

In addition, the two of you may find common ground by working out together or by going on walks and bike rides. Who knows, before long, you both may have reasons to be jealous of each others good looks… Read more about Getting Support »

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